Humor Again: More ripped-off jokes

Sunday — the morning Premier League game is over and there are no American football games on today involving teams I am interested in. So, . . . here are some jokes I ripped off of various internet sites.

Jokes / Humor:

My wife made the coffee this morning and winked when she handed me a cup.
I’ve never been so scared in my life.

Not to get too technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

A photon checked into the Huntington Beach Hilton and the bellhop asked if he needed any help with his luggage.
“No thanks, I’m traveling light.”

Physicists say the world is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons — they neglected to include morons.

Donald Trump must be the square root of -1 — he just can’t be real.

“Need an ark?”
“I Noah a guy.”

Jerry, Sam and Doris are sailing in the annual race to Ensenada. They have four cigarettes but no way to light them. What do they do?
Doris throws one overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Earth is the third planet from the Sun. Unless we demote Mercury, that makes the United States a third world country.

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

“Let’s eat Nanna.”
Let’s eat, Nanna.”
Remember: Grammar saves lives.

Grammar: the difference between knowing your sh_t and knowing you’re sh_t.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves it promptly.
“How much?” asks the neutron.
“For you,” the bartender replies, “no charge.”

What did the kitten say to her mother? “μ”

Three out of two people have trouble with fractions.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
To, who.
No, to whom.

What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
Subordinate Clauses.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

What happened when Kermit’s car broke down?
It got toad away.

Last Words:
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

A child’s letter to Santa:
“Dear Santa, Please send me a little brother for Christmas.”
Santa’s reply:
“Dear Nathan, Please send my your mommy.”

Foxhole Mates:
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald ducked.

Sorry about that.

Time to go grocery shopping.

No squirrel jokes today.
No squirrel jokes today.