America — Government Shutdown

This government shutdown is showing me a side of life that I don’t understand.
Since moving out on my own nearly fifty years ago, I have never lived paycheck to paycheck. I always had enough savings to tide me over for at least a month or two or more.
I can understand people with minimum wage jobs, large families, expensive tastes, self-employed, etc., being in the position of living from paycheck to paycheck, but . . . people with steady jobs working for the Federal government (sometimes couples) not being able to pay monthly bills, including rent after missing only one or two paychecks? . . . and yet, people like Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, who could lose 99% of their wealth and still be worth 4 or 5 hundred times what I will earn in my lifetime, blithely going on as though nothing is wrong; THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
People who work should earn enough to provide for themselves and their families!
We are a wealthy nation; we may not be wealthy enough to have everyone live like a millionaire or billionaire, but we are certainly wealthy enough to have wage rates sufficient that working people can live without fear of missing meals, losing their homes or going without medical care — aren’t we?
And, are we not, wealthy enough to provide for those who are physically unable to work? for those who are too old, frail or ill?
My vision of America is more closely aligned with the America of “I lift my lamp beside the Golden Door!” than with that of “I’ve got mine; F— you!”

How to Bathe a Cat by: The Dog

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up.
  2. Add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
  3. Pick up and soothe the cat while you carry him (or her) to the bathroom.
  4. In one smooth motion put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. Note: You may need to stand on the lid.
  5. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Note: Ignore the noises coming from the toilet as the cat is actually enjoying the bath.
  6. Flush the toilet several times. (This will increase the effectiveness of the process and completely rinse the cat.)
  7. Have another member of the household open the front door to your house. Note: Ensure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
  8. Stand away from the toilet and quickly lift the lid. Note: You may wish to stand in the tub or shower and use a stick or broom handle to lift the lid.
  9. The cat will quickly exit the toilet and bathroom, sort of like 3:00 am behavior, and be out the front door before you can blink.
  10. The cat will dry off and groom outside. Note: You may safely ignore the cat’s dirty looks as these will disappear the next time you use the can opener. Note 2: Both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean.https://i0.wp.com/www.wpclipart.com/animals/dogs/cartoon_dogs/.cache/crazy_mean_dog.png?w=980&ssl=1

Another Post About — wait for it — Golf!

A Golfer’s (Hard Won) Wisdom

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt . . . for a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

It’s easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are . . . that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

Divorce

Divorce — Point-of-View

A judge was interviewing a Tennessee woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well  as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one coz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereos. We don’t necessarily like the music — all that hip hop and rap trap — but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you  want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce; my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”