Our House — Our Cats — Our Rules

March 11, 2019 Joe AuBuchon

House Rules — Remember: We are only the cats’ staff.

Our cats live here. It is their home, not yours, so show some respect. If you have been invited around, you know us well enough to know we are cat lovers.
If you want to sit down, find an empty seat. Do not expect the cats to move.
If you do not want to get covered in cat hair, then do not sit down, bring a lint roller or strip off at the door (although I rather hope you don’t).
Do not ask us to remove the cats from a room; they live here.
If you are allergic to cats, do not whine, just take a pill or use your phone to call.
Mist and Smoke “Resting”
Do not shoo away the cats. If they decide to say hello, please, say hello to them. Should you be rude to them, we will see you out the door.
If one or both cats chooses to sit on you, feel honored rather than annoyed. Do not upset the cat — see ^#6.
You have no need to give us your opinion regarding the cats being allowed to be cats and do cat things. Neither we, nor the cats are interested.
Saying, “They’re just cats,” is offensive. They are part of our family. We love and respect all of the members of our family and do not discriminate against those with four legs and fur. Indeed, we tend to discriminate in their favor.
Finally, remember this at all times: We prefer the cats to you.

NOTE:

These are, of course, not original with us, and they have been adapted because we have multiple cats — I just couldn’t read the url the jpg came from.

How to Bathe a Cat by: The Dog

January 12, 2019January 12, 2019 Joe AuBuchon

Put both lids of the toilet up.
Add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
Pick up and soothe the cat while you carry him (or her) to the bathroom.
In one smooth motion put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. Note: You may need to stand on the lid.
At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Note: Ignore the noises coming from the toilet as the cat is actually enjoying the bath.
Flush the toilet several times. (This will increase the effectiveness of the process and completely rinse the cat.)
Have another member of the household open the front door to your house. Note: Ensure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
Stand away from the toilet and quickly lift the lid. Note: You may wish to stand in the tub or shower and use a stick or broom handle to lift the lid.
The cat will quickly exit the toilet and bathroom, sort of like 3:00 am behavior, and be out the front door before you can blink.
The cat will dry off and groom outside. Note: You may safely ignore the cat’s dirty looks as these will disappear the next time you use the can opener. Note 2: Both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean.

Coffee

November 4, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter’s Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”

She proudly replies, I have a daughter, SLIM & TALL, 40″ D BUST, 24″ WAIST and 34″ HIPS! When she walks into a room, people say, ‘JESUS!’.”

Another Gratuitous Cat Picture

Monday Cat

January 19, 2015 Joe AuBuchon

Monday Cat

It has been a while since I’ve posted a cat picture. So, here are Mist and Smoke enjoying some southern California winter sunshine.

The Cat And The Moon

By William Butler Yeats
1865 – 1939

The cat went here and there
And the moon spun round like a top,
And the nearest kin of the moon
The creeping cat looked up.
Black Minnaloushe stared at the moon,
For wander and wail as he would
The pure cold light in the sky
Troubled his animal blood.
Minnaloushe runs in the grass,
Lifting his delicate feet.
Do you dance, Minnaloushe, do you dance?
When two close kindred meet
What better than call a dance?
Maybe the moon may learn,
Tired of that courtly fashion,
A new dance turn.
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
From moonlit place to place,
The sacred moon overhead
Has taken a new phase.
Does Minnaloushe know that his pupils
Will pass from change to change,
And that from round to crescent,
From crescent to round they range?
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
Alone, important and wise,
And lifts to the changing moon
His changing eyes.