A-FNN — Trump Initiative on Korea

September 24, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

Breaking News — from A-FNN

Dateline — Washington DC

In an astounding reversal of his long-standing policy of confrontation with Kim Jong-un, President Trump will announce tomorrow that the United States, its allies and the People’s Republic of China will end their sanctions targeting North Korea. Instead of sanctions, billions of dollars in aid will be given to its government and people. The aid will include, but will not be limited to the following:

5 million smartphones, enough for 20% of the country’s population. Included in this will be 1 year unlimited access accounts with the provider of their choice. (With his Mr. Kim will receive his own Twitter account, Facebook page and the Candy Crush app.)
2 million iPads
5 million Microsoft Surface computers pre-loaded with a Korean language version of Windows 10
500,000 used (re-called) Volkswagen diesel automobiles (each with a credit card for 1000 gallons of Chinese fuel)
20 Walmarts

In an effort to combat malnutrition:

100 McDonalds restaurants (including one reserved for the exclusive use of Mr. Kim and his family)
50 Domino’s and
50 Papa John’s pizza stores
100,000 tons of Frito-Lay snack products
1 year’s supply each of Coke, Pepsi and Bud Light for the entire population
100 years supply of high-fructose corn syrup

In an effort to combat a perceived lack of healthcare for much of the Korean population Sen. Bill Cassidy, Sen. Lindsey Graham and Sen. Joni Ernst will tour the country espousing their ideas regarding healthcare reform on the Korean Peninsula.

Rep. Duncan Hunter, Rep. Paul Ryan, Sen. Mitch McConnell and Rep. Nancy Pelosi will give a presentation on the advantages of a democratically elected legislature and its noted efficiencies in getting new and reformist legislation enacted with a minimum of hassle.

These, and other related measures, will be proposed by Mr. Trump during his speech tomorrow before the NAAPMS (National Association for the Advancement and Preservation of Moral Sanity).

A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork // a division of I-Witless News

Plumbing Problems — Grrrrr . . . Part 2

June 18, 2017June 18, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

Well . . .

Later that day I took Di to her hair appointment at 5:30 pm and returned to the sound of running water.

Yeah, it was the other toilet — in Di’s bathroom. The toilet would not shut off no matter how I adjusted things. (Dirty word, dirty word, dirty word)

So I turned off the valve at the wall and called the plumber. He came out the next morning and replaced the interior mechanism as he had done with the other toilet.

Total damage: kitchen, bathroom 1 and bathroom 2 = just under $450.00.

Better than flooding!

MARIJUANA and MARRIAGE in Washington State

On a single day, Washington State recently passed two laws.
They are:

1. Legalized gay marriage, and
2. Legalized marijuana.

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana on the same day now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says:

“If a man lies with another man, they should be stoned.”

Apparently we just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before!

Cabernet Sauvignon — Health Benefits

June 5, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

Do you feel stressed at times?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, ask your doctor, pharmacist, bartender or neighborhood lush about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of motor vehicle control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or Merlot…

LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM!

Breaking News from A-FNN — 5.26.17

May 26, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

Breaking News — from A-FNN

Dateline — Washington DC

A-FNN White House correspondent Amber Gris reports that unnamed, but highly placed, sources within the Trump White House have confirmed our earlier reports about President Trump’s decision to cut funds from the Federal Budget for California’s earthquake early-warning system. Also included was the decision to eliminate funding for tsunami-monitoring stations in oceans.

When asked about this President Trump replied: “Yes, we intend to focus on core USGS science and efficiency. While California (a state in which millions of illegals voted for my opponent in the last election) will lose funding, states which sit astride the New Madrid fault in the interior of our nation (and legally voted for me) will see earthquake research monies increased.

“Most of the rest of our great nation cares nothing about “Blue California” and will little mourn its loss in a major earthquake. Besides, I and many of my colleagues own land in California’s interior, and its neighboring states which will become valuable coastal resort properties when California slides into the Pacific.”

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-trump-budget-earthquake-early-warning-20170525-htmlstory.html

A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork

Breaking News from A-FNN

May 23, 2017May 26, 2017 Joe AuBuchon

Breaking News — from A-FNN

Dateline — Washington DC

A-FNN White House correspondent Amber Gris reports that unnamed, but highly placed, sources within the Trump White House have confirmed our earlier reports about President Trump’s about-face regarding the current investigations regarding his campaign’s and administration’s ties to Putin and Russia.

According to these sources, Mr. Trump will issue instructions on his return to the United States that all members of his administration cooperate fully and openly with any and all queries issued by the special prosecutor’s office regarding ties to Russia. Also, included in this are those active who were in his campaign but not currently employed by his administration.

“Openness and transparency in government are important to the working of our political system,” said Mr. Trump. “I am therefore instructing all of those associated with my administration and campaign to fully and truthfully answer all pertinent questions posed to them by Justice Department and Congressional investigators.

“Also, hiding behind the Fifth Amendment is unacceptable. A person who hides behind the Fifth Amendment is merely confirming his guilt.

“Truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is the only acceptable behavior for those entrusted with running the government of the United States. Only through the truth will we be able to Make America Great Again.”

A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork