Perhaps this should come under the heading of: This tells me more about you than you probably want me to know.
I’ve written previously about people leaving flyers and attachments on doorknobs and handles, sticking them in the door frame or behind the screen door, placing them in the mailbox and simply leaving them in the driveway or on the porch.
I consciously avoid using any of the businesses which do any of the above because I believe that this form of advertising is messy and simply alerts thieves that no one is at home and the crook has time to break and enter and rob.
Well, today I found sheet of printed cardstock that was headed “TIDY” — SIMPLE PRICING. NO NEED TO TIP.
You throw a piece of cardboard on my front porch and because your name is TIDY you expect me to hire you to “clean” my house?
No, I don’t think so. You mess up the outside — there is no way on God’s green Earth that I let you inside to “clean” my house.
Oh, and here’s a gratuitous cat picture featuring Mist, Smoke and an Amazon box.
Being retired and spending most of my time around the house, my thoughts sometimes run in strange directions.
About a year ago I began watching Andrew Zimmern’s show: Bizarre Foods. Some of the things he eats look quite appetizing and others . . . Well, I don’t think I’d try them on a bet and, possibly, not even if I was starving.
Tonight though, I went “hmmmm . . .”
I was fixing our dinners and in the background Zimmern was visiting the Bronx (NYC). Out of a cooler came a, legally caught, skinned coyote. It was then prepared and eaten . . . hmmmmm.
We have a surplus of coyotes in SoCal.
Tacos de Coyote, anyone?
The Travel Channel: Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern – “The Bronx” – Original air date: 7.12.2016.
How about we reserve a day on Facebook for positive thoughts and no negative or political posts?
I vote for Sunday.
I will, therefore, neither post nor share any further items having to deal with what I perceive as politics — on Sunday. I believe that I will also include liking, disliking or commenting on your posts/shares or those of others (regardless of whether I agree or disagree with them).
I have friends who are conservative; I have friends who are liberal. Some of them I consider reactionary and some I consider revolutionary. Some I consider just plain nuts — as, I assume, they also consider me (I am nuts, but that’s beside the point.). Let’s all just agree to disagree — and, if someone really offends us, take a walk around the block or have a drink . . . and, if you really need a drink, come on over — I’ve got plenty to go around.
If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug, shag is good.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow and mosquito season.
Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human’s lap. If you can arrange to have Friskies Fish’N Glop on your breath, so much the better.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white-furred cats go to black wool clothing.
For the guest who claims, “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, “But you allow me on the table when company isn’t here.”
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping. Following are the rules for helping.
1–When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.
2–For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human’s eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3–For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can cause dropped stitches or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Ignore it. Remember, the aim is to help work.
It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for playing catch mouse or King-o-the-hill on their bed between 2 and 4 a.m.
Begin people training early. You will have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
Remember: a well-trained staff is the hallmark of a true feline household.
*From a fax dated May 2, 1994 and found in an old filing cabinet.