Breaking News — from A-FNN
Dateline — Washington DC
A-FNN White House correspondent Amber Gris reports that unnamed, but highly placed, sources within the Trump White House have confirmed our earlier reports about President Trump’s decision to re-work American policy towards North Korea.
In an astounding reversal of his long-standing policy of confrontation with Kim Jong-un, President Trump will announce tomorrow that the United States, its allies and the People’s Republic of China will end their sanctions targeting North Korea. Instead of sanctions, billions of dollars in aid will be given to its government and people. The aid will include, but will not be limited to the following:
- 5 million smartphones, enough for 20% of the country’s population. Included in this will be 1 year unlimited access accounts with the provider of their choice. (With his Mr. Kim will receive his own Twitter account, Facebook page and the Candy Crush app.)
- 2 million iPads
- 5 million Microsoft Surface computers pre-loaded with a Korean language version of Windows 10
- 500,000 used (re-called) Volkswagen diesel automobiles (each with a credit card for 1000 gallons of Chinese fuel)
- 20 Walmarts
In an effort to combat malnutrition:
- 100 McDonalds restaurants (including one reserved for the exclusive use of Mr. Kim and his family)
- 50 Domino’s and
- 50 Papa John’s pizza stores
- 100,000 tons of Frito-Lay snack products
- 1 year’s supply each of Coke, Pepsi and Bud Light for the entire population
- 100 years supply of high-fructose corn syrup
In an effort to combat a perceived lack of healthcare for much of the Korean population Sen. Bill Cassidy, Sen. Lindsey Graham and Sen. Joni Ernst will tour the country espousing their ideas regarding healthcare reform on the Korean Peninsula.
Rep. Duncan Hunter, Rep. Paul Ryan, Sen. Mitch McConnell and Rep. Nancy Pelosi will give a presentation on the advantages of a democratically elected legislature and its noted efficiencies in getting new and reformist legislation enacted with a minimum of hassle.
These, and other related measures, will be proposed by Mr. Trump during his speech tomorrow before the NAAPMS (National Association for the Advancement and Preservation of Moral Sanity).
A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork // a division of I-Witless News