A well-known Irish airline was just about to finish boarding its one hundred ninety-seven passengers for the late afternoon flight from Dublin to Boston when Mary O’Hara, the lead stewardess, found they had a problem. She’d just finished inventorying the food supplies and realized there was only one dinner cart, not the five the flight usually carried.
She quickly called the catering company to inquire about the remaining meals and was told there had been an accident on the way to the airport and the meals wouldn’t arrive in time for the plane’s departure. Mary walked from the galley in the middle of the plane, deftly avoiding the passengers being seated and the luggage being thrown into the overhead bins, to the pilot cabin and informed the captain of the problem.
After thinking the situation through for a couple of minutes, the pilot said, “Okay, Mary, thanks. I’ll take care of it.” She then returned to the main cabin to finish seating the passengers and give the safety demonstration–wondering at the last expression on the pilot’s face.
As the co-pilot taxied the Airbus to the main runway for take-off, the pilot addressed the passengers over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Timothy O’Bannon. I’d like to welcome you aboard Flight 317 from Dublin to Boston and update you on flight conditions. The Jet Stream over the Atlantic has strengthened substantially over the last several hours and the additional headwinds will add about a half an hour to our flight time.
“On an unrelated note our catering company’s delivery truck suffered an accident on its way to the airport and as a result we are short of meals for this evening’s dinner. Instead of two hundred meals we have only forty on board. If you would like to help out your fellow travelers and do without dinner, please inform one of our stewards or stewardesses. Those of you who choose to forego dinner will be treated to an evening of free drinks as we do have a rather well-stocked bar.”
About an hour out of Boston, Mary announced over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we still have forty dinners warming in the galley if anyone is hungry.”
Captain O’Bannon just chuckled as he began his pre-descent check list.
James Seltzer was filthy rich, retired and newly moved to south Florida. In mid-June he decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the neighborhood redneck.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.”
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of judo instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.
Eventually, Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally, the host says, “Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,” said Leroy.
The rich man said, “Man, I have to give you something — you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?”
“No thanks, I don’t want it,” answered Leroy.
The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?”
“No,” said Leroy a third time.
Confused, Seltzer asked, “Well, Leroy, then what do you want?”
Leroy said, “I want the name of the summamabich that pushed me in the pool!”
Alligator photo from: http://www.miamidiscounttours.com/american-alligator-miami-everglades-tours