Category: Family

The Trip — 2016: Part 4

Joe AuBuchon

First to baggage to pick up our suitcases and then to the surface to find our ride. She found us, because of Charlie’s scooter, and we were soon loaded into the car and bound for Hopton to the northeast of London. It was supposed to be a two and a half hour drive that morphed into a three and a half to four hour drive because of Friday traffic and a stalled lorry on a two-lane country highway — with Di and the driver nattering away about either Brexit or Trump for almost the entire journey.Trip - The Cedars

It rained a bit, but we missed the day’s downpours and safely reached The Cedars, the home of Gerry and Maria, Di’s cousins. (In Britain many houses are named and without street number addresses — good luck finding a place without detailed directions and/or local assistance. Their postal service survives with a rather esoteric system of postal codes, but I don’t know how, so I guess we can too.)

Gerry and Maria greeted us warmly, and with Gerry’s help I carried our bags to upstairs to our rooms. Yes, upstairs seventeen steps and then down one step and again down two steps — then the reverse to go downstairs. It’s a bit tough on Di, but she seems, with help, to be managing. She needs both her cane and rollator “wheelie” to successfully navigate the house but does so without complaint.

Trip - The CedarsWe had a nice dinner the first night and slept with no sign of jet lag. Part of this may be due to the excellent company, food, wine and whisky provided by our hosts.

If you think that American television these days spends too much time and effort on the election campaign, you might be surprised to learn that British television, and newspaper coverage, spends at least as much time and effort on Brexit.

If the term “Brexit” means nothing to you, here’s a brief explanation: the United Kingdom last Thursday (June 23, 2016) held a referendum on whether or not to remain in the EU (European Union) or to leave. BRitish EXIT.

To the surprise of many, if not most, UK citizens and politicians, pollsters and bookies the LEAVE side won: 52% to 48%. Some areas, such as metropolitan London and Scotland, voted heavily to remain in the EU and others voted just as heavily to leave.Trip - The Cedars

Even the bookies were wrong in their guesses as to which side would prevail. More money (the richer bettors) was bet on the “Remain” side, but more small bets (the poorer guys) were placed on the “Leave” side of the equation — “Leave” won the election.

The Prime Minister resigned; the financial markets were in turmoil; politicians, pollsters and pundits scrambled to explain the results; many Europeans said the equivalent of “Leave quickly”; and many “Leavers” were quite pleasantly surprised but unsure of what to do next. A number of disappointed (and possibly outraged “Remainers”) began signing an online petition to force another referendum.

A couple of days later the online petition was stripped of many electronic signatures for obvious irregularities such as several thousand signatures coming from British citizens living in Vatican City — with a population of about 800. Hmmm . . .

(to be continued)

The Trip — 2016: Part 3

Joe AuBuchon

One of the stewardesses asked if we wanted water (bottled water was in a storage cubby with our headphones and other flying items), orange juice or champagne. Charlie ended up with another passenger’s mimosa as the stewardess got the orders muddled. My Jack Daniels-on-the-rocks would have to wait until after we were airborne so I sat quietly and worked CWPs and other puzzles until it was time for drinks and dinner.

The take-off was very smooth and Charlie got a kick out of the acceleration down the runway — a bit more than previous experiences.

Eventually, the drinks cart reached our last Business Class row and I got my Jack. I was more than pleasantly surprised when she put the ice in a nice glass tumbler and poured in two of the mini-bottles of whiskey.

Dinner consisted of . . .

Starter: Flaky Tomato Tart with grilled artichoke heart

Salad: Mixed greens with sun-dried tomatoes and shaved Parmesan and a choice of sour cream and herb dressing or balsamic vinaigrette (and assorted breads)

Entrées: Coffee crusted beef filet (Di’s choice); Roasted duck breast; Spinach ravioli or (my choice) Blackened salmon with Creole rice, broccolini and roasted corn relish.

. . . and was quite tasty.

Dessert: Heath Bar Crunch Ice Cream; Raspberry tart or (my choice) Gourmet cheese plate with Smoked Gouda, Jalapeño Jack and sharp cheddar.

I ignored the rather nice wine list and had another Jack-on-the-rocks. After I finished dinner and our plates were cleared away, I enjoyed a glass of Courvoisier V.S.O.P. Fine Champagne Cognac and watched Zootopia on the in-flight entertainment system. I had to ask the stewardess where to plug in the headphone as the jack was hidden in the cubby facing away from the user. During the film, I had another cognac and had to watch the end of the film five times (as I remember) to actually see the end.

Friday — I woke up just in time for breakfast on the other side of the Atlantic having been blissfully asleep for most of the flight. This is unusual for me as I normally stay awake for the entire flight and just segue into the English day when we arrive in London — no jet lag.

For breakfast our choices were a Fresh Fruit Bowl with granola and Greek yogurt and, my choice, a “Traditional American Breakfast” with scrambled eggs (actually a scrambled egg), Canadian bacon, roasted potatoes and herbed tomato. As with dinner the food was good. Although the portions were not the amounts we might be familiar with in a good restaurant or diner, they were adequate to the flight and left one satisfied but not stuffed after sitting for ten+ hours.

Just before breakfast I took the scooter charger out of the overhead bin, plugged it in and connected it to the battery sitting by my feet so it would have a full charge when we left the plane.

Our landing was an easy and light touchdown, an almost unnoticeable transition from flight to roll. We waited until everyone else had gotten off of the plane to avoid holding them all up, or being walked over by them.

The Trip -- Ducks
Uh – oh, Flo, another Yank with a camera.

A wheelchair greeted us at the door of the plane and began whisking us to immigration and baggage — but, what about my wife’s scooter? Oh, “you shouldn’t have gotten in the wheelchair,” said the porter pushing Charlie. Which was a rather stupid statement as both AA and he had directed her to do so.

He brought us back to the security doors from the plane’s gate into the terminal, and without saying anything, he left us there . . . We asked one of the guards to find out what was going on, and she returned to say that AA was bringing up Di’s scooter and a few minutes later we were off to go through immigration and collect our baggage.

The only hassle in Customs/Immigration was my arrival card, on which I had not entered a local address where we could be reached — I had no idea where we were staying other than with Di’s cousins. Charlie had gone through the checkpoint before me and had disappeared. The immigration officer and I looked at each other helplessly and eventually she decided that having my email address in her records would be sufficient, and I was granted entry to the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) on the verge of Brexit.

(to be continued)

The Trip — 2016: Part 2

Joe AuBuchon

The next problem had nothing to do with the government but with American Express.

Charlie made our flight reservations through an American Express (https://travel.americanexpress.com/home) travel agent. She, very explicitly, wanted to fly British Airways (https://www.britishairways.com/travel/home/public/en_us) and was assured by the travel agent that our flight to the UK was on BA. It turned out, however, that the BA flight, operated by American Airlines, was actually an American Airlines (https://www.aa.com/homePage.do) flight.

BOOM! The fecal matter met the rapidly spinning rotary impeller.

She proceeded to spend many, many hours on the phone with BA and AA and AMEX trying to find out how they would handle her battery-powered scooter (http://www.tzora.com/Easy%2DTravel%2DScooter.html) and batteries and whether it would be allowed on the flight at all. Phone tag played with customer service representatives shunting her off to the next company’s customer service representative. And round and round we go unable to get definitive answers to just about any substantive question. Phone Tag Hell.

Eventually, it boiled down to: Yes, she could bring her scooter. No, no spare batteries. No, bring the sealed dry-cell battery and not the longer-range lithium-ion battery. Yes, the plane check-in and departure would be from the Tom Bradley International terminal at LAX. Well, sort of . . .

Trip -- Di on Tzora Scooter
Di on Tzora Scooter

Thursday — We arrived at LAX (Los Angeles International Airport — http://www.lawa.org/welcomeLAX.aspx) about two and a half hours before our scheduled departure and entered the Tom Bradley International terminal. Looking at the displays, we, to my wife’s great displeasure found that our flight’s check-in was not at TB but at the next terminal in line — Terminal #4.

It was the matter of a three-minute walk, for me with our luggage and Charlie on her scooter, to get to Terminal 4 and then a couple of more minutes to find check-in. Five minutes later we were at the front of the short line and spent the next ten or twenty minutes going through the formalities with boarding passes, luggage and scooter and sorting things out.

Then on to the lift, elevator, and through security — less than ten minutes in line. I went through the regular line while Charlie, seated in her scooter, got some individual attention. Following this was a l – o – n – g hike (especially as I was carrying all of our carry-on bags) across the bridge from Terminal 4 to TB and the very last gate to board our plane.

Less than fifteen minutes later we were pre-boarded and ensconced in our Business Class lay-down seats. The only hassles being removing the twenty-pound battery from Charlie’s scooter and folding it up so the attendant could put it in cargo (while I put the battery in my seat storage area on the plane’s floor). I then returned to the front of the plane and helped Charlie through the aisles to our seats at the very back of Business Class (right in front of the toilet so Charlie would not have to walk any distance when she would need the facilities).

As I also had the battery charger with me (no, it was not packed away in our luggage), I was able to re-charge it during the flight. Clothes can be replaced without too many problems if the carrier loses our luggage. Her scooter charger and her medicines would be difficult, if not impossible, to replace if lost on the way to Europe so they were all a part of our carry-on luggage with our electronics and cameras.

The plane was a Boeing 777-300 (https://www.aa.com/i18n/travel-info/experience/planes/boeing-777-300er.jsp) with comfortable seating and an excellent entertainment suite. Charlie took the window seat, and I got the interior seat with no outside view (dirty word, dirty word, dirty word). But that’s how it is when we travel.

Although Business Class is quite expensive compared with Coach, Di’s medical problems do not allow her to travel comfortably in Coach seating. As we do not travel by plane more than a couple of times each decade, we find the expense tolerable and can juggle our budgets sufficiently to afford the expense. I cringe a bit when looking at the actual financial figures, but . . . .

(to be continued)

The Trip — 2016: Part 1

Joe AuBuchon

Two years ago my wife, Diana (Di or Charlie), set out on planning “The Trip”. Where? To Corfu. Corfu? Yes, Corfu. Why? Well, because one of the authors (Gerald Durrell) she enjoys spent time growing up there and wrote about it. She also planned to spend time with her family in England and invited them, and some American friends, to spend time with us at the villa she was renting on the Greek island of Corfu.

Along the way there have been a few bumps in the road. First, her British passport expired and she had to renew it — by mail. Eventually, she got her new passport and then another bump appeared.

Because she is a British citizen she needs a “green card” to live in the United States. She’s had one for some forty years — yes, she is a legal Permanent Resident of the United States. These cards are good for ten years and must then be renewed. The last two renewals were difficult and involved crowds and standing (and/or sitting) in long lines.

Owing to her medical problems of the last few years (and her forced retirement) neither of us realized that her card had passed its expiration date. She was still a legal resident but not having the card would bring about problems traveling out of the country and then trying to re-enter.

We filed for renewal of her card online but had a great deal of difficulty using the government’s site. The customer service phone help people were quite good in helping us navigate its foibles, but we had to use them each time we went to the site as it refused to recognize her username and password.

She paid her renewal fee online without any problem, but we then found out that it would require up to nine months for her to receive her new card — that would be long after we would have returned from our travels. So, we would have to set up an appointment with Immigration to get her passport stamped with an extension.

We arrived at the appointed Immigration facility a few minutes early for her appointment and were pleasantly surprised that there were only three other people in the office. Our appointment with the Immigration clerk (?) went quickly and twenty minutes later we left with my wife’s passport properly stamped and signed with a nine-month extension (to her green card) so she could travel out of the country and re-enter with a minimum of hassle.

The nine-month extension was because replacing her Permanent Resident card could take up to nine months.

A week or two later we received a letter from Immigration informing us that we now had another scheduled appointment at another building for “biometrics” processing. This appointment was for two days before our departure for the UK.

We again arrived a few minutes early and found a couple of dozen people sitting and waiting for their appointments. However, luck and kindness made things a bit easier. After filling out an appointment paper — name, nationality, etc. — the gentleman in charge moved us to the front of the queue as my wife was in her wheel-chair.The Trip

Twenty or so minutes later, her picture and fingerprints taken, we were set to go. Immigration also updated her now-expired Permanent Resident card with the new information and a new nine-month extension. (Although her new card will still require not arrive for about another nine months.)

Legally we were now set to leave and re-enter the United States.

(to be continued)

Home Schooling

Joe AuBuchon

Most of us my age were actually HOME SCHOOLED in many ways:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”Tied Toy -- Home Schooling

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Those of you who are not a part of the over 60 crowd may not believe it, but we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents. And those of us who went to parochial schools remember the nuns using many of the same words and phrases as our parents — often with a more dire meaning.